I called an older lady from church the other day. I'm embarrassed to admit it was because she was assigned to us, and not out of the goodness of my heart. Yes, the deacons of our church have been assigned different members to check in with, and her name was given to my husband. I've never even met her. I was glad I called, though. In the course of the conversation, I learned that she's been shut-in for a couple of years now, and that her kids had to take her car away recently, and that she's having a hard time.
This lady isn't on social media, and that is for the best, in my opinion. I wondered in the course of the conversation, if she had been on social media, would she have been so open with me about how she was feeling? There is just no way.
You see, when people share openly on social media about their fear, anxiety, or other negative emotions, there will invariably be those who hurl the following at them:
- You should be more grateful.
- Well, MY faith is too strong to be afraid of anything right now.
- You just need Jesus.
Those who say these things have good intentions and scripture to back up their viewpoint. Yes, Jesus calmed the storm. Yes, he said, "Oh ye of little faith," to those in the boat.
But that was Jesus....not you.
Please stop rebuking people for having emotions when you don't have the power to save them from the storm.
Telling someone they should be grateful is actually a change of subject. Talking about faith when someone shares their emotions with you is simplifying God's working in their lives. In fact, God might be trying to bless that person by sending YOU to listen to their problems for a minute. It's not that hard to listen, verify, validate, and support. And it just may be more Christian than condemning and judging anyway.
If you're speaking to someone, and they say they're struggling right now, you might feel compelled to admonish them--to challenge them to be better and overcome those emotions for Jesus. But doing so isn't effective, and there are alternatives. Here are a few things you could say instead:
- You're not alone. Lots of people feel the same way right now.
- How is this affecting you? Are you sleeping and eating okay?
- Tell me more.
- That's understandable. This is a tough time.
- May I pray with you?
- It takes courage to admit how you're feeling. Thank you for trusting me enough to share this.
- Is there anything I can do to help?
If YOU are the one feeling the stress of the unknown right now, let say to you, if I'm the first, or even if I'm the millionth, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So many people are stressed living in these uncertain times, and it truly is understandable and reasonable to have an emotional response when your life is so drastically shaken.
Here a few steps you can take to get a handle on how you're feeling:
1. Name it.
The Word does say we're to cast our cares on God (1 Peter 5:7), but how can we do that if we don't know what they are? If we haven't even admitted that we have them? So now, I challenge you, not to prove that your faith is the strongest by declaring you are absolutely fine, but to look inside and identify how you're feeling, really.
It might be fear; it might be anxiety. It might be avoidance; it might be numbness due to what we're going through. It might be stress or tension or anger or depression. Guilt, terror, whatever emotions are pulsing through your veins right now, admit that you're feeling them. You could even say it out loud. "I'm terrified of being unable to breathe if I contract this virus," or "I feel tense right now," or "I'm angry at that lady who coughed on me at the store today," or "I'm afraid I might lose my loved one who has a compromised immune system."
It's okay. Go ahead.
2. Determine what it has done to you.
Think about how that emotion is affecting you right now. What is it doing to your body? What sort of thoughts is it causing? Have you taken a hit spiritually because of it? Try to identify all of the effects of this emotion that you now own.
That's right, you own it. It's time to be the boss of this feeling instead of the other way around. If you ignore it, suppress it, deny it, and lie about it, that is exactly what will happen. It will rule your life. Wait, that sort of sounds like a sin in itself doesn't it?
There's more; don't stop now.
3. Establish its origin.
Now that you've named it, and you've called it out for what it has done, it's time to recognize where it came from. Are you feeling irrational fear? 1 Timothy 1:7 says that is not from God. However, are you concerned for your loved ones and their safety? Well, that's God-ordained (1 Timothy 5:8). Is the well-being of your fellow man on your heart? That, friends, is commanded (Matthew 22:39). Perhaps it has another origin altogether. Maybe you're a trauma victim, and what you're feeling is a response to outside stressors that you have experienced before. It may be from God, it may be from Satan, or it may be from your past, your present, your nature, or your current medication. Only you can determine where the emotions are coming from. It might take some time, but ponder if you have to, because you're almost there.
4. Pray about it.
With all of the insight you now hold: What you're feeling, how it's affecting you, where it came from. It's time to take all of it before the throne of God. It's time to do that casting of the cares that some people do so easily. For some, it's not so simple. But now, you just may be ready. Talk to God, and may He bless you.
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