2012 was a memorable year for me. I walked across the stage to accept my graduate degree. I got a second job in order to help my husband through school. I became the team leader for the third grade teachers at my school. It was a lot of responsibility, a lot of work, and a lot of accomplishment that I felt proud of.
2012 was also the year I found out that I had two massive tumors in my neck. I went for a physical, hoping the doctor would tell me why I had been tired for the past fifteen years. After reading the paragraph above, it seems pretty obvious, but I'm telling you; the tiredness wasn't a recent development. I had been tired since I hit puberty, and I was tired of being tired. I was finally fed up with it. What a divine compulsion it was to make an appointment. The doctor didn’t offer me an explanation for how I was feeling. Instead she looked in my eyes and then down to my throat, several times, and said, “Has that always been there?”
What are you talking about, I thought. Has what always been there? I put my hand on my throat, suddenly self-conscious about what sort of blemish she was seeing, like she was telling me there was something in my teeth.
She refused to answer any of my questions. The specialist. She was sending me to a specialist, and he would be able to answer questions. Turns out the specialist didn't have any answers either, for three weeks. All he knew was there were tumors in my neck that might be cancer, but he couldn't tell me if they were or not. For three weeks.
I had no idea how hard those next three weeks of my life would be. It's an oddity of life how the mind functions under stress. I found myself fixated on one thing and one thing only: My daughter's wedding, and how I might miss it. She was five years old at the time. But it was all I could think about. I could see her in her dress, getting fawned over by other people, not one of them me. Her daddy walking her down the aisle, giving her away, and then sitting alone. I saw myself as a ghost, present but unseen during the ceremony. I cried thinking about her dancing with the son-in-law I would never meet. In fact, I laid in bed and cried more than I did anything else for those three weeks. I cried and agonized over my baby girl, my son, my husband, and my life, thinking it might soon be over.
I also observed 5 moves that need to stop. Yes, I'll be honest and say I've made them, too. I just didn't know better, but now I do. Know better, and do better, people. We should all stop:
1. Saying "You're in my prayers," and then not praying.
With all the Facebook comments that repeat this over and over, either we are an obsessively prayerful generation, or we're a bunch of liars. We're making this phrase meaningless by throwing it around so much and then forgetting to actually do the praying we promise to do. Pardon my bluntness, but it seems to me a pretty deplorable thing to lie about.
I've come up with four alternatives to saying this phrase, and I'm sure there are others.
First, you could pray, but don’t brag about it. Sometimes silence is okay.
Second, you could say something else like, "I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best," "Feel better soon," or even, "I love you."
Third, you could pray first, then say, "I said a prayer for you." Notice the past-tense verb. That way, you know you won't be lying. This is my personal favorite.
And my last suggestion is one that can be used when making one of those comments on a Facebook post or in another written message. You could pray as you type. I mean actually type or write out the prayer. It’s a beautiful gesture. One that has been done through text for me before, and it is very moving. So meaningful and authentic. Try it.
By all means, if you always remember to pray the prayers you promise, please keep doing what you are doing. And then send me a pm, because I want to be your friend.
With all the Facebook comments that repeat this over and over, either we are an obsessively prayerful generation, or we're a bunch of liars. We're making this phrase meaningless by throwing it around so much and then forgetting to actually do the praying we promise to do. Pardon my bluntness, but it seems to me a pretty deplorable thing to lie about.
I've come up with four alternatives to saying this phrase, and I'm sure there are others.
First, you could pray, but don’t brag about it. Sometimes silence is okay.
Second, you could say something else like, "I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best," "Feel better soon," or even, "I love you."
Third, you could pray first, then say, "I said a prayer for you." Notice the past-tense verb. That way, you know you won't be lying. This is my personal favorite.
And my last suggestion is one that can be used when making one of those comments on a Facebook post or in another written message. You could pray as you type. I mean actually type or write out the prayer. It’s a beautiful gesture. One that has been done through text for me before, and it is very moving. So meaningful and authentic. Try it.
By all means, if you always remember to pray the prayers you promise, please keep doing what you are doing. And then send me a pm, because I want to be your friend.
2. Giving yourself the copyright to someone's medical information.
One Sunday during my three weeks of torment, I was standing at church talking to a friend. Another lady walked up to us and faced my friend. Oh, she must have something to talk to her about, I thought. I should start to back away. The other lady asked, “Did you find anything out?” My friend began to reiterate everything I just told her. It took me a moment to process what was going on. Were they standing there talking about me right in front of my face? Yes, yes they were. Maybe she didn't want to make me repeat it again. But I wouldn't have minded to repeat it. It's my life. It's my body. Why can't I be in control of information about it? It wasn't only this experience that showed me I wasn't in total control over my medical information like I wanted to be.
After my waiting period, I was told I was going to have surgery on my daughter's sixth birthday, and it would fix the problem. No cancer. No further treatments. I was going to be fine. I considered it time to start calling people. The extended family. The life-long friends we hadn't spoken to in a few months. My boss. But when I did, I found out that everyone already knew what was going on. They knew intimate details and were so relieved to finally hear that everything was going to be okay. That was one of the reasons I only let a few people know. So others wouldn't worry unnecessarily. But the handful of people I had asked to pray for me did not comply with my request to keep it quiet. It is painful to write about this, because I was let down by some of the people I consider closest in my life. It hurt, not that others had heard it from someone else, even though I did want to be the one to tell them, but because my personal medical information that I had shared with only a few.. my life… was being spread around like juicy gossip. Because that’s what it was. News about a young mom with cancer- it doesn’t get much juicier in the church than that. Sure, affairs might constitute something juicier, but those are unspoken. Cancer we can talk about. Cancer we can tell everyone about. Especially if we’re the first ones to know and get to drop the bomb, subsequently getting to enjoy the reaction from people. "What?! She does? Oh no! I better call (insert name of someone who might not have heard yet)."
In one particularly hurtful instance, I told some very close family members the day I found out there was a problem. I coveted their prayer. I trusted them to keep it between us until I knew more. I did not suspect for a moment that one of those family members would hang up the phone and immediately start dialing other numbers. But he did. His wife told him to wait. She reminded him about my request. His response? "I don't care. She needs prayer." His intentions were good, but what he did, in my mind, was an act of betrayal. Please, please stop using prayer as a cover for spreading rumors and secrets. When you do that, what you're doing is gossiping. If prayer was that important to you, you would be talking to God, not other people.
If a young mom, or anyone else, tells you she might have cancer, or any other medical condition, and to please allow her to be the one to tell others, you have a couple of responsibilities:
First to pray. No, no, not to say you will pray. To actually pray. To seriously, without lying, pray about that mom and her husband and her kids. Pray that God's will be done for that family, and that Satan will be cast out of their lives.
Second, you have the responsibility to respect her private medical information and shut. your. mouth. This is not your business to share. Doing so violates her trust and exploits her body. You don't own the copyright to other people's medical files. It is not your information to publish. Forgive my intensity. I did tone it down a bit. This paragraph was originally in all caps. If I had not experienced this firsthand, I wouldn’t feel so passionately about it. But I did. And I do. And it still hurts.
3. Acting entitled.
After my initial visit to my doctor, I found out that I wouldn't know anything further for three weeks, when I would get a CT scan. Oh, I said that already? Perhaps it bears repeating. I was told point blank that I had to wait three weeks before they would tell me if I would live or die. It was the most helpless three weeks I've ever experienced. Then, after the CT scan, I was told that I had to wait even longer. The doctor would have to review the results, and I would find out in a few days. I thought I would find out that day, but I came home even more helpless than I had been before. I decided to stay in bed for a while, but I hadn't been there a few minutes when I received a text: "Please, let someone hear from you!"
Please let someone hear from me? Oh I’m sorry. While I was waiting to hear if I'm going to get to see my daughter get married, you were waiting for the latest scoop. The dish. It must have slipped my mind. How inconsiderate of me. Listen, lady, I want to know, too. But, even if I knew what was going on with me, and whether or not I'm going to lose my hair, I'm not obligated to text you immediately and give you all those juicy details you are so hungry for.
I know, I know, that's not what she meant, right? Sure. She just wanted to show she cared, huh? Why not. Even still. A simple "Thinking about you" would have sufficed. Or "I'm here if you want to talk. I hope you're getting some rest." Friends, you don't have to have information. Stop acting like you're entitled to it.
If you are sick. If you are actually waiting for test results like I was, or in the throes of chemotherapy, or packing a bag for the hospital, or setting a date for surgery, I'm talking to you for a minute. Believe me when I say it's okay to be selfish with your medical information. It's okay to withhold it from those who don't need to know every detail of your condition or prognosis or your private parts, if they are somehow involved. It's okay to just not think about it when someone tells you to "keep them updated," because you're busy thinking about other things, spending time in prayer, or discussing it with your family. Or maybe you just think it's none of their business. And that's okay. The only person you are obligated to keep updated on your medical condition is your doctor.
Then, when you post something about it on social media, inevitably there is one person who comments, "I had no idea!!!" It's like they're saying, What about me in all of this? Why wasn't I the first to know? The "I had no idea" comment, no matter how many exclamation points are used, does not dignify a response. You don't have to offer an explanation as to why you didn't tell them; in fact, you don't have to offer them anything. What you're going through is big. Too big to be worried about keeping everyone else happy.
Years ago, I actually did go to church with a woman who found out she had cancer. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be her best friend. I remember sitting in class one Sunday morning, and the teacher said, "Has anyone talked to Karen?" It was almost comical how one woman piped up, "I spoke to her yesterday, and she's feeling tired after her treat-" but the first woman was interrupted by another woman, who said, "Well, I spoke to her last night. She's doing bett-" but then the second woman was interrupted by a third church lady, who stood up and shouted, "No, no, I talked to her this morning, and she's not doing well AT AAAALLLL." I wish I was exaggerating, and I wish this was an isolated incident. However, it happened regularly. There was an ongoing competition as to who had the most and most current information on Karen's health.
Karen knows. Karen understands how people are. She is still alive, by the way. She was a fighter, through everything, entitled fake friends and all. I feel like I got a tiny little glimpse of it, too, during those torturous three weeks when I thought I had cancer. And that glimpse is all I ever want.
4. Saying, "Let me know if you need anything" when you don't mean it.
Again, I hate to be so blunt and abrasive about this, but this is another lie we tell. It's what we've heard other people say and so we rattle it off without thinking, even when we have no intention of complying when the person does actually need something, unless it's on our way home after work.
See, there really was something that I needed. I mentioned that my surgery was scheduled for my daughter's birthday. So, I planned the biggest birthday party either of my kids had ever had for the following weekend. I invited everyone I possibly could and enlisted help from all sides. Yes, I needed something. I needed people to come support my daughter, because her mom wasn't going to be fully present for her sixth birthday. That's what I needed, and I was ready to let people know when they said that phrase to me. So many people did show up for her. It meant a lot to me. Really. However, there were also those who looked uncomfortable at best when they asked if I needed anything, and I responded, "Yes. I need you to come to the park on Saturday and act happy for my daughter. Bring your kids." In fact, a few of them actually said, "Well, I have plans that day, but if you need anything else, let me know." It was at that point that they smiled and walked away. I really think they were pleased with the way the conversation went. Determined to sound like a good Christian, they had to make the offer. But I honestly think they were shocked when I was willing to take them up on it.
Believe it or not, there is an alternative to that phrase, too. I experienced this, as well, and it's wonderful. Here it is: Think of something specific, with a specific time frame, and offer it. The day after my surgery, a friend from church texted my husband. It read, “We would like to bring you enchiladas for dinner tonight, if that’s okay. We'll be there at five.” Now that is one thing I was not willing to ask for. I didn't want to have a Meal Train, or any teams at church coming up with how to feed my family after my surgery. We were going to be fine, so I didn't have any meals lined up. But when we received that text, how could we refuse it? Something so specific that sounded so good and would just be so convenient? She brought the enchiladas, and they were delicious. And appreciated. Another friend texted a few days later and let me know she was getting me a smoothie and bringing it to my house when she got off work. Again, how could I refuse? If you're at the grocery store, text and ask what they need while you're there. We can all always use something from the grocery.
It doesn't just apply to food. You could say, "I just found a great deal on Windex and was hoping you would let me come over and wash your windows. I will be there in thirty minutes. Okay?" This could apply to toilets, or floors, or dishes, or taking the trash to the dump or a few bags of laundry to the laundromat. There are lots of choices here. If the person can leave home, you could say, "I'm coming to pick you up in an hour for mani/pedis. Can you be ready?"
I cannot let this section end without mentioning that there are those, you probably know a few, who would drop everything if someone asked. I know, without a doubt, that my in-laws use the phrase "Let us know if you need anything" and actually mean it. Anything we asked of them, they would comply with a smile and a hug, and then ask if there is anything else. This phrase should not be totally thrown out, but please weigh your options and consider its implications before using it.
5. Complimenting the sick person's weight.
For the love of all that is good and right in the world, please don’t tell someone who has just had surgery, or someone who is terminally ill, or someone experiencing anxiety over their health that they “look great” because they have lost weight. Just please.
According to church folk, the times in my life I have “looked great” have been the times in my life when I was at my lowest. Physically and spiritually. Yes, I was told I looked great around the time of my surgery. I had lost weight due to extreme anxiety. There was another time though. A time I am not proud of, that I remember skipping dinner, just so I wouldn’t feel guilty eating a piece of cake. I was in my very early twenties and weight had become an obsession for me. As I said, this was a low point that I am not proud of. I went to church that night, because it was a Wednesday. After class, a man approached me to say hello, and pretended to pinch my midsection (don't worry, he didn't touch me), indicating that there was nothing there to pinch, indicating that he liked that, indicating that whatever I was doing he approved of it. Then, he proceeded to compliment my physical appearance repeatedly. This was at church, people. He didn’t care that I had not eaten lunch or dinner that day. He did not care that I was doing the opposite of taking care of my body. He did not care about me at all. He only cared that there was something in front of him that was pleasing to the eye. And, as we all know, that is what really matters after all, isn’t it? That is truly the ultimate compliment to pay a woman, isn’t it? To tell her she “looks great?" It's not. I assure you, it's not. And some of us would gladly take on those extra pounds again, especially if it meant having our health back.
I'm not hearing any "you look great" comments right now, and it's because I am functioning overall as well as I can. Nothing is causing me to lose weight due to stress or illness, and I feel generally healthy most days. Am I supposed to feel guilty for that? Because I do. I could look better, if I only had more tumors, or a drug dependency, or abnormal eating tendencies again. Yes, those thoughts actually cross my mind, because of that line that people say so carelessly, always at the time I am feeling my worst. Please be careful with those words, or drawing attention to a woman's weight at all. I think there may have been a time when it was actually rude. I wasn't alive then, but I have heard people talk about it. Honestly, I think we should go back to honoring that principle and find other attributes to compliment.
Putting more thought into what you say and do around a sick person will help you stop doing all of these things, and then you'll be in better standing with them, especially me, should I have another cancer scare. Also, bonus points if you counted the number of times I used the word juicy in this post.
One Sunday during my three weeks of torment, I was standing at church talking to a friend. Another lady walked up to us and faced my friend. Oh, she must have something to talk to her about, I thought. I should start to back away. The other lady asked, “Did you find anything out?” My friend began to reiterate everything I just told her. It took me a moment to process what was going on. Were they standing there talking about me right in front of my face? Yes, yes they were. Maybe she didn't want to make me repeat it again. But I wouldn't have minded to repeat it. It's my life. It's my body. Why can't I be in control of information about it? It wasn't only this experience that showed me I wasn't in total control over my medical information like I wanted to be.
After my waiting period, I was told I was going to have surgery on my daughter's sixth birthday, and it would fix the problem. No cancer. No further treatments. I was going to be fine. I considered it time to start calling people. The extended family. The life-long friends we hadn't spoken to in a few months. My boss. But when I did, I found out that everyone already knew what was going on. They knew intimate details and were so relieved to finally hear that everything was going to be okay. That was one of the reasons I only let a few people know. So others wouldn't worry unnecessarily. But the handful of people I had asked to pray for me did not comply with my request to keep it quiet. It is painful to write about this, because I was let down by some of the people I consider closest in my life. It hurt, not that others had heard it from someone else, even though I did want to be the one to tell them, but because my personal medical information that I had shared with only a few.. my life… was being spread around like juicy gossip. Because that’s what it was. News about a young mom with cancer- it doesn’t get much juicier in the church than that. Sure, affairs might constitute something juicier, but those are unspoken. Cancer we can talk about. Cancer we can tell everyone about. Especially if we’re the first ones to know and get to drop the bomb, subsequently getting to enjoy the reaction from people. "What?! She does? Oh no! I better call (insert name of someone who might not have heard yet)."
In one particularly hurtful instance, I told some very close family members the day I found out there was a problem. I coveted their prayer. I trusted them to keep it between us until I knew more. I did not suspect for a moment that one of those family members would hang up the phone and immediately start dialing other numbers. But he did. His wife told him to wait. She reminded him about my request. His response? "I don't care. She needs prayer." His intentions were good, but what he did, in my mind, was an act of betrayal. Please, please stop using prayer as a cover for spreading rumors and secrets. When you do that, what you're doing is gossiping. If prayer was that important to you, you would be talking to God, not other people.
If a young mom, or anyone else, tells you she might have cancer, or any other medical condition, and to please allow her to be the one to tell others, you have a couple of responsibilities:
First to pray. No, no, not to say you will pray. To actually pray. To seriously, without lying, pray about that mom and her husband and her kids. Pray that God's will be done for that family, and that Satan will be cast out of their lives.
Second, you have the responsibility to respect her private medical information and shut. your. mouth. This is not your business to share. Doing so violates her trust and exploits her body. You don't own the copyright to other people's medical files. It is not your information to publish. Forgive my intensity. I did tone it down a bit. This paragraph was originally in all caps. If I had not experienced this firsthand, I wouldn’t feel so passionately about it. But I did. And I do. And it still hurts.
3. Acting entitled.
After my initial visit to my doctor, I found out that I wouldn't know anything further for three weeks, when I would get a CT scan. Oh, I said that already? Perhaps it bears repeating. I was told point blank that I had to wait three weeks before they would tell me if I would live or die. It was the most helpless three weeks I've ever experienced. Then, after the CT scan, I was told that I had to wait even longer. The doctor would have to review the results, and I would find out in a few days. I thought I would find out that day, but I came home even more helpless than I had been before. I decided to stay in bed for a while, but I hadn't been there a few minutes when I received a text: "Please, let someone hear from you!"
Please let someone hear from me? Oh I’m sorry. While I was waiting to hear if I'm going to get to see my daughter get married, you were waiting for the latest scoop. The dish. It must have slipped my mind. How inconsiderate of me. Listen, lady, I want to know, too. But, even if I knew what was going on with me, and whether or not I'm going to lose my hair, I'm not obligated to text you immediately and give you all those juicy details you are so hungry for.
I know, I know, that's not what she meant, right? Sure. She just wanted to show she cared, huh? Why not. Even still. A simple "Thinking about you" would have sufficed. Or "I'm here if you want to talk. I hope you're getting some rest." Friends, you don't have to have information. Stop acting like you're entitled to it.
If you are sick. If you are actually waiting for test results like I was, or in the throes of chemotherapy, or packing a bag for the hospital, or setting a date for surgery, I'm talking to you for a minute. Believe me when I say it's okay to be selfish with your medical information. It's okay to withhold it from those who don't need to know every detail of your condition or prognosis or your private parts, if they are somehow involved. It's okay to just not think about it when someone tells you to "keep them updated," because you're busy thinking about other things, spending time in prayer, or discussing it with your family. Or maybe you just think it's none of their business. And that's okay. The only person you are obligated to keep updated on your medical condition is your doctor.
Then, when you post something about it on social media, inevitably there is one person who comments, "I had no idea!!!" It's like they're saying, What about me in all of this? Why wasn't I the first to know? The "I had no idea" comment, no matter how many exclamation points are used, does not dignify a response. You don't have to offer an explanation as to why you didn't tell them; in fact, you don't have to offer them anything. What you're going through is big. Too big to be worried about keeping everyone else happy.
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| Photo by Maaike Nienhuis on Unsplash |
Years ago, I actually did go to church with a woman who found out she had cancer. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be her best friend. I remember sitting in class one Sunday morning, and the teacher said, "Has anyone talked to Karen?" It was almost comical how one woman piped up, "I spoke to her yesterday, and she's feeling tired after her treat-" but the first woman was interrupted by another woman, who said, "Well, I spoke to her last night. She's doing bett-" but then the second woman was interrupted by a third church lady, who stood up and shouted, "No, no, I talked to her this morning, and she's not doing well AT AAAALLLL." I wish I was exaggerating, and I wish this was an isolated incident. However, it happened regularly. There was an ongoing competition as to who had the most and most current information on Karen's health.
Karen knows. Karen understands how people are. She is still alive, by the way. She was a fighter, through everything, entitled fake friends and all. I feel like I got a tiny little glimpse of it, too, during those torturous three weeks when I thought I had cancer. And that glimpse is all I ever want.
4. Saying, "Let me know if you need anything" when you don't mean it.
Again, I hate to be so blunt and abrasive about this, but this is another lie we tell. It's what we've heard other people say and so we rattle it off without thinking, even when we have no intention of complying when the person does actually need something, unless it's on our way home after work.
See, there really was something that I needed. I mentioned that my surgery was scheduled for my daughter's birthday. So, I planned the biggest birthday party either of my kids had ever had for the following weekend. I invited everyone I possibly could and enlisted help from all sides. Yes, I needed something. I needed people to come support my daughter, because her mom wasn't going to be fully present for her sixth birthday. That's what I needed, and I was ready to let people know when they said that phrase to me. So many people did show up for her. It meant a lot to me. Really. However, there were also those who looked uncomfortable at best when they asked if I needed anything, and I responded, "Yes. I need you to come to the park on Saturday and act happy for my daughter. Bring your kids." In fact, a few of them actually said, "Well, I have plans that day, but if you need anything else, let me know." It was at that point that they smiled and walked away. I really think they were pleased with the way the conversation went. Determined to sound like a good Christian, they had to make the offer. But I honestly think they were shocked when I was willing to take them up on it.
Believe it or not, there is an alternative to that phrase, too. I experienced this, as well, and it's wonderful. Here it is: Think of something specific, with a specific time frame, and offer it. The day after my surgery, a friend from church texted my husband. It read, “We would like to bring you enchiladas for dinner tonight, if that’s okay. We'll be there at five.” Now that is one thing I was not willing to ask for. I didn't want to have a Meal Train, or any teams at church coming up with how to feed my family after my surgery. We were going to be fine, so I didn't have any meals lined up. But when we received that text, how could we refuse it? Something so specific that sounded so good and would just be so convenient? She brought the enchiladas, and they were delicious. And appreciated. Another friend texted a few days later and let me know she was getting me a smoothie and bringing it to my house when she got off work. Again, how could I refuse? If you're at the grocery store, text and ask what they need while you're there. We can all always use something from the grocery.
It doesn't just apply to food. You could say, "I just found a great deal on Windex and was hoping you would let me come over and wash your windows. I will be there in thirty minutes. Okay?" This could apply to toilets, or floors, or dishes, or taking the trash to the dump or a few bags of laundry to the laundromat. There are lots of choices here. If the person can leave home, you could say, "I'm coming to pick you up in an hour for mani/pedis. Can you be ready?"
I cannot let this section end without mentioning that there are those, you probably know a few, who would drop everything if someone asked. I know, without a doubt, that my in-laws use the phrase "Let us know if you need anything" and actually mean it. Anything we asked of them, they would comply with a smile and a hug, and then ask if there is anything else. This phrase should not be totally thrown out, but please weigh your options and consider its implications before using it.
5. Complimenting the sick person's weight.
For the love of all that is good and right in the world, please don’t tell someone who has just had surgery, or someone who is terminally ill, or someone experiencing anxiety over their health that they “look great” because they have lost weight. Just please.
According to church folk, the times in my life I have “looked great” have been the times in my life when I was at my lowest. Physically and spiritually. Yes, I was told I looked great around the time of my surgery. I had lost weight due to extreme anxiety. There was another time though. A time I am not proud of, that I remember skipping dinner, just so I wouldn’t feel guilty eating a piece of cake. I was in my very early twenties and weight had become an obsession for me. As I said, this was a low point that I am not proud of. I went to church that night, because it was a Wednesday. After class, a man approached me to say hello, and pretended to pinch my midsection (don't worry, he didn't touch me), indicating that there was nothing there to pinch, indicating that he liked that, indicating that whatever I was doing he approved of it. Then, he proceeded to compliment my physical appearance repeatedly. This was at church, people. He didn’t care that I had not eaten lunch or dinner that day. He did not care that I was doing the opposite of taking care of my body. He did not care about me at all. He only cared that there was something in front of him that was pleasing to the eye. And, as we all know, that is what really matters after all, isn’t it? That is truly the ultimate compliment to pay a woman, isn’t it? To tell her she “looks great?" It's not. I assure you, it's not. And some of us would gladly take on those extra pounds again, especially if it meant having our health back.
I'm not hearing any "you look great" comments right now, and it's because I am functioning overall as well as I can. Nothing is causing me to lose weight due to stress or illness, and I feel generally healthy most days. Am I supposed to feel guilty for that? Because I do. I could look better, if I only had more tumors, or a drug dependency, or abnormal eating tendencies again. Yes, those thoughts actually cross my mind, because of that line that people say so carelessly, always at the time I am feeling my worst. Please be careful with those words, or drawing attention to a woman's weight at all. I think there may have been a time when it was actually rude. I wasn't alive then, but I have heard people talk about it. Honestly, I think we should go back to honoring that principle and find other attributes to compliment.
Putting more thought into what you say and do around a sick person will help you stop doing all of these things, and then you'll be in better standing with them, especially me, should I have another cancer scare. Also, bonus points if you counted the number of times I used the word juicy in this post.
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